Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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