So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
