she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
