Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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