theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I smell stomach acid.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize