If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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