dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
