we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
