also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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