Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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