How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have aggressive nipples.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
