Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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