Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
