I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tell your sister to shave her snatch
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
