yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
