Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
