the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
