Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
