She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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