dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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