If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
