This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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