You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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