Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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