i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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