my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
