He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
