So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
