It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
