what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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