I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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