one might say we're banned from that church
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
