3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
