At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize