it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
