Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
