I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't like sucking hair
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
