hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
