Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
