Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
