My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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