I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
