How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
