I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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