The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
