well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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