So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
