he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
