How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize