new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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