I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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