I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
