I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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