bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
