We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
