i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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