I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
