Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
