My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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