she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
