ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
