my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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