Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
