do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
