I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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