yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
