My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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