remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
