These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
