either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
